


Tough Guy

by viktorstardust



Category: LISA (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Sex, Established Relationship, First Time Bottoming, First Time Topping, Gentle Sex, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pegging, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Strap-Ons, Trans Male Character, no flash au, theyre married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:48:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23937133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viktorstardust/pseuds/viktorstardust
Summary: It’s like a weight is lifted when it hits him that they’re doing this and nothing’s wrong and he’s not in any danger.How stupid he feels now.
Relationships: Brad Armstrong/Terry Hintz
Comments: 7
Kudos: 38





	Tough Guy

He’s embarrassed to say how long it takes him to be okay with this. How long Terry sits on the bed with him holding his hand and leaning on his shoulder and insisting over and over that they don’t have to do this if he doesn’t want to.

Brad wants to. The issue runs much deeper and is much scarier than him being afraid of trying something experimental with his husband in bed. Terry would get it if he told him, but Brad can’t tell him. He doesn’t want to speak it into reality.

“Talk to me, man.” Terry’s voice is always so soft when he speaks to him like this. Everything about the man is soft where Brad is not. Ironic it is, then, that Terry is his stability, his rock. 

Brad doesn’t break eye contact with the floor, like he’s ashamed of something. He doesn’t want Terry to think he finds shame in this. “I don’t know.”

Terry rubs his shoulder, his arm, the fingers on his hand. Keeping him tethered to earth in the best way he knows how. “It doesn’t need to be tonight, y’know.” He smiles like nothing’s wrong. Brad can hear it in his voice, that smile. A smile that’s been enough to convince him there’s nothing wrong many times before. A smile that is his anchor. “We don’t even have to do anything tonight. We could just cuddle.” 

It’s so much more love than he feels he deserves. 

“I want to.” 

“You sure?” 

“Yes.”

Terry brings his hand to his mouth and kisses it. Brad almost wants to cry from it all. Intimacy is the most incredible, most horrifying thing he’s ever had to come to terms with. 

“Just tell me to stop and I’ll stop, okay?” He kisses Brad’s cheek, then his lips. If one person could embody the feeling of safety for him, it’s Terry. He’s not even sure if other people are even like this. He’s not sure that anyone else in the world wouldn’t scoff at his many flaws and human weaknesses or ignore them for the foolish hangups that they are. It’s a good thing he doesn’t want anyone else in the world, then.

“Go slow. Please.” Brad’s voice has a habit of never breaking, not even at his most vulnerable. Like a wounded animal hiding its injuries so it’s not picked out as an easy target. It’s something he’s known how to do since he was a child, and at some point it became less of a skill and more of a part of him. 

Terry knows his wounds, though. Knows when things aren’t okay. “I’ll be so gentle you won’t even know I’m in there.” He smiles, and it gets Brad to smile with him.

“What’s the point of it, then?” 

“Point of it’s to have a good time.” He kisses Brad on the cheek again and slides off the bed. “I’ll be right back. Can you get naked for me while I’m gone?”

Brad’s throat goes suddenly dry again, closing up on him so he can’t speak. ‘Yes’ he wants to say, but something invisible and familiar closes its hand around his neck and forces him into silence. This is ridiculous. He doesn’t have a problem getting undressed with Terry any other night. The best he can do is nod and try to look Terry in the eyes when he does so he knows he means it and that this is okay despite how much Brad’s body wants to force him into thinking it isn’t.

With a tender touch to the side of Brad’s face, Terry is gone, into the bathroom behind the closed door. 

He feels guilty. So guilty for being ashamed and scared of something that’s supposed to be for him, it’s supposed to be them trying something they never have before because all Terry wants is to make him feel good in as many ways as he can. 

But it’s different as he strips himself on the bed. Easier to be the one giving than receiving. And isn’t that so unfair to Terry. And isn’t it so stupid of him to know what he is and still be too scared to say it. 

He’s not even out of his pants when Terry comes back out of the bathroom.

And, god, he’s overwhelmed just at the sight of him standing there in the doorway. His hair pulled back and all clothes off, unless you can consider what’s strapped to his hips “clothes”. Brad can’t help but look away. He’s been brought up to think of this as wrong, so when it doesn’t feel wrong to him, his shame is palpable.

Patient as ever, Terry goes to him and sits next to him on the bed again, with his light touches serving the same purpose as before, calming him down.

“Dude, you’re gonna kill me,” He leans his head on Brad’s shoulder. “You gotta tell me stuff, okay?”

The larger man sighs with all of the breath not taken away from Terry’s entrance, and nods at him. When he finds his voice, he can manage to tell him some of it. Not all of it, but it’s a start. “I’m just nervous.”

“We can just have, like, regular sex? You know I’m always down for that.” Brad believes him. Believes wholeheartedly that Terry wouldn’t blame him for chickening out. So what is he afraid of?

Not helping is the fact that Brad definitely wants to do this. They got the strap-on for a reason. Because at the time, it was an enthusiastic, drunk impulse buy between the two of them, and neither could account for what would happen when they actually used it. It’s not even that big or imposing of a thing. Skinny, but clearly made for its purpose. 

Terry’s hand has found a way into Brad’s again, and when he comes back to the real world from debating with his fear and self-loathing, he gives it a squeeze. “I want to.”

Terry makes a noise that sounds like he doesn’t quite believe him, but still moves his hand to the front of Brad’s pants, fingers ghosting over what’s underneath. “Then let’s get you naked, yeah?” He says in his best ‘sultry’ voice. From the gentle little chuckle in his words, he knows full well how stupid it sounds. Like a pornstar. He manages to smile a little at that.

Brad lets him shift off the bed and onto the floor and remove his pants for him. His boxers come after and an anxious pit in his stomach settles now that there’s no hiding it. No hiding himself. Even though Brad’s preferred way of doing this on a regular night is with his shirt on, his boxers at a place where he can pull them back up if he needs to cover himself, and with the lights off. He’s not ashamed of his body normally, but being naked and being seen is entirely different. Despite how covered up he likes to be, Terry always manages to say something nice about his appearance when they make love. Holding his face and calling him handsome between ragged breaths and moans. He’s embarrassed to say it’s sent him over the edge more than once.

“Can we,” Brad starts when his clothes are all off. His voice almost sounds hoarse. “Can we turn the lights off?”

And off the lights go. In his mind he knows Terry will still be able to see him even in the dark, from the faint glow of the moon outside their window, but it’s just more comfortable like this. Less vulnerable.

They shift further back on the bed until they can lie down on it and kiss, an act that almost restores Brad’s confidence in the situation. Almost. Already Terry is touching his body with his hands and his own skin, everywhere he touches is warm and slowly reassuring. It’s Brad’s instinct to take control, but they’re not doing that tonight. Instead, Terry climbs on top of him and keeps him pinned while they kiss and nip at each other in the dark. 

For a moment, Terry pulls away and even in the dark Brad can see him nibbling at his own lip as if he doesn’t know how to say something. Brad hates how fragile he feels like this, and how fragile he’s being perceived if the most talkative man he’s ever met can’t find the right words to say at the risk of upsetting him.

“What?” He asks, already sounding winded just from kissing without taking control of it.

“Uh...” Terry balks around the question with an awkward little smile on his face, and it’s reassuring at least somewhat to know that Terry’s just as inexperienced with being on the top as Brad is with being on the bottom. It still feels like Brad is doing worse. It’s not a competition, but he feels like he’s losing. “Can I, like...touch your chest? While we kiss?”

Oh, god. 

It’s not too much for him yet, but the idea makes him feel strange. Not even in a bad way, either. It’s just the shame that him liking that idea brings. It’s always his damn shame.

He figures it’s worth it enough to try, and gives a weak nod, his head swimming.

And just like that, Terry’s hands are on him, moving up from the underside of his chest and slowly unraveling his palms to fully cup him there, in such an intimate area. Brad chews on the inside of his cheek to shut himself up, but he could bite it hard enough to bleed and still be totally transparent in his enjoyment of it. Terry knows by how hard and stuttering his breathing is that Brad’s enjoying it despite wrestling with the thought that he should not be.

They kiss again, and Brad’s most comfortable like that, when Terry’s mouth is on his. Keeping his mouth and his mind occupied. 

He gets comfortable enough to accept the feeling of Terry grabbing and kneading his chest, accepting that it feels good and maybe it’s okay that it feels good. Terry tweaks his nipples a bit and it’s everything in him to not let go and express his pleasure openly, loudly. He hates expressing any emotion so openly, and all that comes out is a stifled groan of approval. 

“You like it when I grab your...your tits?” Terry asks, the uncertainty in his words putting a goofy smile on his face right as he asks them. “Ah, that was dumb...” 

Brad manages a smile back at him, even though what he said feels...almost  _ too  _ right.

It’s embarrassing.

It’s really good.

Terry kisses him again, with more force and certainty than the last time. Right as Terry starts eagerly grinding against his stomach, he pulls off for another question.

“You okay, big guy?” Terry’s hips are still moving against his even as he speaks. “You ready for...y’know?” 

Anxiety grips at his heart again, those shameful feelings. It’s what his body wants versus what his mind is scared of, and all he can say is the same plea as before. “Just...go slow...” He’s so out of breath already.

“Trust me, okay?” Terry winds his fingers through the hairs of Brad’s beard so he can touch his face, skin-to-skin. “I’ll be so good to you.” 

Of course Brad trusts him. He trusts him more than anyone. “I know.” 

Terry leans over him to grab a bottle of lube they never really use and Brad has to look away. He hates equating this to something like looking away when a doctor sticks you with a needle, because it’s more intimate than that. He’s running out of time to remind himself that this is not wrong. He knows it’s not wrong. And he trusts Terry. And truth be told, it’s got him so turned on he can barely see straight.

He exhales slowly. It’s okay.

“Spread your legs, please?” Terry asks, apparently sufficiently lubed up. With the hand that’s not slick, he grabs one of Brad’s hands and holds it for comfort. Brad does as he’s asked.

“Good boy.” Terry whispers in his ear, followed by a little nip at his neck that sends a wave of shivers down Brad’s spine. 

“...Keep calling me that?” Brad’s voice is more breath than actual sound. “It’ll make me feel...better...” That’s only half true. The other half of the truth is that it’s so hot he could feel his dick twitch when Terry said it. 

Terry smiles. “You got it, big guy.” He squeezes Brad’s hand as he gets closer to doing what he needs to do. “Relax, okay?” 

He takes a deep breath and does his best guess at “relaxing”, letting out the tension he’s holding inside him and squeezing Terry’s hand as he repeats reassuring words in his head. ‘It’s okay, it’s not wrong, you trust him, breathe, breathe, breathe.’

Terry’s lubed-up fingers go in easier than he anticipated, and it’s like a weight is lifted when it hits him that they’re doing this and nothing’s wrong and he’s not in any danger. How stupid he feels now. 

“That’s it...” Terry’s out of breath like just doing this to him is getting him off, a show of solidarity with Brad’s very audible breathing as he gets used to the feeling. “How’s it feel?”

“...Different...” 

Terry laughs a little and leans over with his head on Brad’s chest, looking up at him. “Yeah, I bet. You’re doing so good, though, dude...” he licks his plump lips, and Brad can feel his fingers moving around inside him and it’s a lot to handle all at once. “So pretty...Such a good boy...”

Brad’s breath catches and squeezes Terry’s free hand, the bedsheets, whatever he can get a hold of. If he wasn’t being responsive enough before, he’s being too responsive now, bare and open and clearly enjoying himself despite how much enjoying himself feels like some dirty secret. 

‘Pretty’. He likes being called that. He thinks he wants to be called that again. 

“I think we’re set,” Terry says as he pulls his fingers out, leaving Brad so empty it hurts. He lubes up his hand a second time to slick up the strap-on, which isn’t too much bigger than the three fingers Terry had inside him. Despite the perpetual little voices in the back of his head telling him he’s not, he still thinks he’s ready. Hopes he is. 

“Okay, uh...” Terry braces his hands on Brad’s stomach. “Roll over onto your side, I kinda wanna do it from behind.” The thought of not being able to see Terry while they do this is both comforting and not at the same time. But he’s not in much of a position to argue, so he rolls over and lets Terry get behind him.

He feels hands wrap around his chest in a hug that presses their bodies together, Terry’s chin on his shoulder. It’s comforting and fills him with a calming warmth that quiets the voices telling him this is wrong. Something that feels this good could never be wrong. 

“Okay. Ready?” He can feel Terry’s strap-on nudging him, like Terry can hardly wait. That’s fair, they spent a good thirty minutes talking Brad into giving up control long enough for this to happen. They probably won’t have to for the next time they do this, at least. 

Brad nods and holds his breath, only letting it go along with a stifled moan when Terry pushes in, doing everything he can to not come undone so fast. It is thicker than Terry’s fingers, but it goes in easy enough. He scrambles to grab one of Terry’s hands again. Not confident enough to leave that safety net.

“You’re doing so good...” Terry’s voice is soft and directly in his ear. He kisses Brad’s neck as he pushes the strap-on slowly into him until he bottoms out with his hips tight against Brad’s. “I love you so much, man...” 

When Terry’s hips start moving, there’s no way for him to keep his sounds in anymore. They slip out of Brad’s lips like desperate prayers for something, he doesn’t know what. Just that Terry’s words are getting to him, the feeling’s getting to him, it’s all too much but not in a way that makes him want to stop. 

His cock is flush against his stomach and leaking already. Terry’s hips speed up and thrust into him with more confidence. Terry’s way better at switching roles than Brad is, that’s for sure.

There’s too many emotions rising to the surface, and when Terry hits his prostate for the first time, it takes Brad a few moments suspended in the space of pleasure to realize he’s crying. 

“Dude, are you-“ Terry’s hips stop for just a second and Brad doesn’t even give him the chance to finish his sentence before he’s begging him not to stop.

“Fine...” His words shake and crack horribly. This is the first time he’s cried in what, a year? Over this? Why now? “Kee-keep going...”

Terry hesitates but continues. He rubs Brad’s chest soothingly with the hand that’s not locked in Brad’s, cooing at him like a scared animal. Somehow it’s what he needs right now. “Hey, come on...I got you, don’t cry...”

He doesn’t have the words to tell Terry it’s not a sad cry as much as it is a necessary one. Releasing all the fear and doubt and self-loathing that kept him from the things that feel good, the things he likes. 

Brad’s cock gives a hard throb, he’s not gonna last. Is it too early? Would it be shameful to cum this quickly, does he even know how long they’ve been at it?

Like he can read minds, Terry’s hand reaches around to stroke him the rest of the way as he fucks him, multitasking with rubbing circles into his hand and nuzzling his face against Brad’s to tenderly wipe the tears away with his own skin. 

“You’re so good, Brad,” He whispers. “So perfect for me...” 

Brad closes his eyes and lets it all wash over him again. If he can be good at anything, he’s glad he’s good at being Terry’s. 

Terry sighs and squeezes him tighter. “Fuck, I love you so much...”

That’s all it takes.

Brad gasps and goes stiff as the orgasm racks his body and his mind until for an incredible few seconds, there’s only intense pleasure. He cums all over Terry’s hand, incoherent moans leaving his mouth with it. 

He’s out of it for a few seconds after, waiting for the rush to die down until he’s back to earth. Terry’s nose is against his neck and their bodies are still locked in a tight embrace. Everything’s as it was before. Whatever catastrophe his mind told him would happen if he did this has not happened. 

Not the first time his mind’s been wrong.

“Man,” Terry laughs breathlessly. They collapse together, their bodies going limp from exhaustion. “That was tight.”

“...Tight?”

“Like, awesome. It was great.” He laughs, and it’s infectious. “...Did I do good?”

It’s so silly. That both of them are worrying about if they did it right when Terry was the one doing most of the work. He wonders if Terry wonders if he’s doing good when they do this on a normal night, with Terry on the receiving end. 

“Perfect.” 

Terry smiles proudly against his neck as he pulls out. “You’ll let me do it again sometime?”

“Ah...We’ll see.” It’s the best promise he can make. At least he knows if they do it again, he’s in good hands. Better hands than any others.

It’s all he needs.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This took me too long to write 
> 
> Comments are extremely appreciated as always, and I really hope you enjoyed reading it.
> 
> Also, commissions are tentatively open. Get in contact with me on twitter or on discord if you’re interested in getting me to write some shameless lisa rpg smut for you 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


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